Give me your heart.... and let your eyes delight in my ways (Proverbs 23:26)
One of the things the Love Dare emphasises is that you are supposed to 'lead' your heart rather than 'following' your heart. You are to take control of your emotions and dictate what your actions will be rather than blindly stumbling along and letting your fickle, heart toss you about. Newlyweds easily delight in each other. They are full of romantic dreams of happily ever after marital wedded bliss with never an argument and never a bad breath kiss in the morning. Soon after the honeymoon is over, the lovely man or woman you married starts showing tendencies you never knew were there. They squeeze the toothpaste from the center not the bottom, they put the toilet paper roll on the dispenser the 'wrong' way. They are a morning person, you are a night owl and so the rounds of negotiations, revelations and disappointments start spinning. It's easy to lose sight after 5 or 10 or 20 years of marriage as to exactly why you married that person in the first place. Sometimes just staying married is hard, much less delighting in your spouse. The beauty of the marriage relationship is that it can be reborn and renewed. You can choose to treasure your spouse, choose to see your differences as strengths rather than weaknesses and see in your spouse the person God intended them to be. Maybe it's time to laugh again, flirt again, dream again and gaze into your spouse's eyes. I know it seems mushy, or sappy, but as the songs say.. the best part of love is when it's brand new. It's fun to be 'in love' So, convince your heart to give it a try.
Today's task is to purposefully neglect and activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something your spouse would love to do or start (and finish?) a project together.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Fight Fair
Today’s reading in The Love Dare is about fighting fair. It talks about establishing boundaries or ground rules for when disagreements occur. Learning to ‘fight fair’ is an important part of preserving a marriage. Some of the most hurtful and damaging things have been said to me in the heat of the moment, the words themselves hurt, but the volume with which they were delivered and the hate in my partners eyes is something that I’m still trying to erase from my memory. Physical wounds heal much easier than those emotional cuts.
It is suggested to establish “WE” rules and “ME” rules. In other words, establish rules that you both agree with, and your own personal rules on how you will treat your spouse when conflict arises.
The Fireproof movie is out in theaters now. I encourage you to check your local listings and see if it’s playing nearby. Go by yourself, with a group of friends, or with your partner. I truly believe this movie could start a fresh wave of commitment and renewal in marriages around the world. I know it’s helped spur me on to really examining and looking at what went right and what went wrong in my past relationships, and hopefully gives me a chance to heal and change before moving forward into another relationship. After all, those who don’t learn from history are bound to repeat it.
It is suggested to establish “WE” rules and “ME” rules. In other words, establish rules that you both agree with, and your own personal rules on how you will treat your spouse when conflict arises.
“Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1)
The Fireproof movie is out in theaters now. I encourage you to check your local listings and see if it’s playing nearby. Go by yourself, with a group of friends, or with your partner. I truly believe this movie could start a fresh wave of commitment and renewal in marriages around the world. I know it’s helped spur me on to really examining and looking at what went right and what went wrong in my past relationships, and hopefully gives me a chance to heal and change before moving forward into another relationship. After all, those who don’t learn from history are bound to repeat it.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Bending
"The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield" James 3:17
Stubbornness is something I inherited from my father….. and my mother. Today’s reading is about letting go of all those little fights and disagreements. Give your spouses’ ideas and thoughts full weight. Let them know that you’re on the same team.. not enemies to combat each other, but teammates trying to solve a problem together, with different perspectives and different communication styles. Some issues like child rearing, even having children can be huge issues that you don’t want to just give in easily on, but they can be worked out with love and mutual respect. Other issues that are of a moral nature, or go against your relationship with God must be non-negotiable.
I’ve married two extremely stubborn men. Both were professing faith in Christ. Both seemed to want to work things out. Both were fiercely controlling and manipulative. Both marriages failed. In both these marriages, I felt like we might have been in the same boat, but we were paddling in totally different directions. I think disagreements are fine, and discussion is good as long as you keep in mind that you’re in this together, not fighting each other. As I watched my dad and step-mom work out communication difficulties this weekend (projects always bring out those differences in ideas and ways of communicating them) I was glad to see that they’ve developed a way of respecting each other’s point of view and disagreeing (for the most part) in love. Not only was it good to see my dad be loving, but it was good to see him be loved.
My prayer is that I will remember that my spouse is not an enemy to defeat, but my ally in the closest sense of the word. My most trusted adviser and confidant. Treating him with anything but utter respect is diminishing the strength of that relationship.
The task for today is to give in on an area of disagreement with your spouse. This doesn’t mean a big area, but just a little one.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Cherish
Today’s reading is about cherishing your spouse. The book gives two examples, in one you have a car that is getting older, it needs a lot of repair and you decide to not invest more money into it, but go buy a newer car, after all, cars are made to wear out right? The second example is of getting into an accident and crushing your hand. You would use whatever resources you had to rehabilitate that hand so it was useful again, even go through painful surgery and physical therapy. Can you see the parallel here? Marriages are sometimes treated like used cars, and we trade up or trade in for a ‘new model’. The point I believe they’re trying to make is that you’re supposed to do for your spouse (ie: the car) what you would do for yourself (ie: your hand). I admit, I’m not fond of the comparison, but I understand the sentiment. You’re supposed to treat your spouse as well as you would treat yourself, and if your spouse is hurting, or grieving, or struggling, or rejoicing, or being rewarded, you should be there with them helping them through it, just as you would do for yourself.
When I look back at two failed marriages, I think “Did I do this? Did I cherish my partner? Did I do everything for them that I could to make sure they were getting what they needed?” In the first case, I can't really say, all I know is that I was the one who left. I left because my sanity was at stake there, and as a result, my very life. That made me that much more determined in the second marriage to make it work. In the second marriage, I replaced the engine, transmission, alternator, tires, battery, wiper blades, fuses, and gave it a new paint job, and still, that wasn’t enough. It still drove itself to the salvage yard and refused to leave. What I can learn from that experience is that putting your all into the repair is worth it. It may not make the car continue to function, but it makes you stronger, more compassionate, and more capable of love.
Today’s task is to do something that will let your spouse know you are cherishing them. Again, remember their love language and try to speak to them in that language.
When I look back at two failed marriages, I think “Did I do this? Did I cherish my partner? Did I do everything for them that I could to make sure they were getting what they needed?” In the first case, I can't really say, all I know is that I was the one who left. I left because my sanity was at stake there, and as a result, my very life. That made me that much more determined in the second marriage to make it work. In the second marriage, I replaced the engine, transmission, alternator, tires, battery, wiper blades, fuses, and gave it a new paint job, and still, that wasn’t enough. It still drove itself to the salvage yard and refused to leave. What I can learn from that experience is that putting your all into the repair is worth it. It may not make the car continue to function, but it makes you stronger, more compassionate, and more capable of love.
Today’s task is to do something that will let your spouse know you are cherishing them. Again, remember their love language and try to speak to them in that language.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Unconditional
“For richer or poorer, for better, or for worse, in sickness and in health”
There are three commonly categorized types of love. Phileo - means to have an affection (sentiment, passion or feeling) for. A fondness based in the heart. What the Greeks meant by Phileo love is what we normally think of the words "brotherly love" meaning today. I’ve heard the sage advice over and over that you have to be ‘friends first’ to make a relationship last and I believe that’s a good start. It’s not ‘bad’ advice, but it’s not really the key to a lasting relationship. Lets’ face it, there are going to be times when you just plain don’t like what your partner is doing. When you’re angry, hurt and really don’t want to be their friend. If that’s the basis for the relationship, it’s over at that point. You hear excuses like “I never really knew you” “You aren’t who I thought you were” “You’ve changed”.
The second type of love is eros love. Eros is probably what most people mean when they announce with a smile, "I'm in love." This type of love covers everything from queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion.
There are a couple of very interesting characteristics about eros. First, in order to exist eros is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. As long as a couple is enjoying a romantic situation, eros can thrive. But, as soon as hurtful words or actions appear, eros simply evaporates.
Second, eros is also held captive to each person's perception. For example, if someone perceives a particular quiet evening dinner with candles to be romantic, eros will thrive. However, passion becomes squashed for someone whenever he or she interprets the current situation to be undesirable. Eros thus grows strong and then wastes away based upon our perceptions.
Although eros at times might make us feel like we are on cloud nine, it can not provide a reliable basis for building a deep and meaningful relationship since it is so fickle and dependent upon perception and circumstances. Because of such things as accidents, diseases, and the fact that someone can choose to doubt or despise you regardless of your actions, it is clear that we can not determine how others will perceive us nor are we masters of our own circumstances. Although eros is exhilarating, this is not the true foundation a lasting relationship should be built on either.
So.. what’s left? Agape love. This love is unconditional. It is the “ I love you no matter what” it’s a choice more than a feeling. This is the type of love God demonstrates to us. “And this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (I John 4:10) “We love, because He first loved us.” (I John 4:19). Did you catch that.. He first loved us… Agape love is proactive. It isn’t based on the action or decision of others. It isn’t waiting for your partner to do something nice for you and then acting in kind, it’s loving them first. It’s loving them when they’re rude and angry and hurtful. It’s unconditional. One of my favorite passages is Romans 8:38-39 “Neither death, not life, not angels, nor principalities, not things present, not things to come, nor powers, no height, nor depth nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” That’s such a comfort to me. I’ve felt abandoned and rejected by people I thought would never leave. It’s taken me a long time to fully trust that God won’t leave either. I just said the other day that it’s taken me 30 years to really fully accept that God loves me just the way I am and I don’t need to ‘earn’ it. It’s a good reminder to me, that nothing can take away that love.
Have I ever really truly experienced Agape love? Not other than in my relationship with Christ. I do believe that it’s possible. I believe I have the capacity to love in that way, now that I’ve experienced it for myself through Christ. Apart from having that example, I wouldn’t be able to accept or demonstrate agape love. I’ve tried the other two. I think now it’s time to try the third. I guess the third time really is a charm.
There are three commonly categorized types of love. Phileo - means to have an affection (sentiment, passion or feeling) for. A fondness based in the heart. What the Greeks meant by Phileo love is what we normally think of the words "brotherly love" meaning today. I’ve heard the sage advice over and over that you have to be ‘friends first’ to make a relationship last and I believe that’s a good start. It’s not ‘bad’ advice, but it’s not really the key to a lasting relationship. Lets’ face it, there are going to be times when you just plain don’t like what your partner is doing. When you’re angry, hurt and really don’t want to be their friend. If that’s the basis for the relationship, it’s over at that point. You hear excuses like “I never really knew you” “You aren’t who I thought you were” “You’ve changed”.
The second type of love is eros love. Eros is probably what most people mean when they announce with a smile, "I'm in love." This type of love covers everything from queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion.
There are a couple of very interesting characteristics about eros. First, in order to exist eros is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. As long as a couple is enjoying a romantic situation, eros can thrive. But, as soon as hurtful words or actions appear, eros simply evaporates.
Second, eros is also held captive to each person's perception. For example, if someone perceives a particular quiet evening dinner with candles to be romantic, eros will thrive. However, passion becomes squashed for someone whenever he or she interprets the current situation to be undesirable. Eros thus grows strong and then wastes away based upon our perceptions.
Although eros at times might make us feel like we are on cloud nine, it can not provide a reliable basis for building a deep and meaningful relationship since it is so fickle and dependent upon perception and circumstances. Because of such things as accidents, diseases, and the fact that someone can choose to doubt or despise you regardless of your actions, it is clear that we can not determine how others will perceive us nor are we masters of our own circumstances. Although eros is exhilarating, this is not the true foundation a lasting relationship should be built on either.
So.. what’s left? Agape love. This love is unconditional. It is the “ I love you no matter what” it’s a choice more than a feeling. This is the type of love God demonstrates to us. “And this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (I John 4:10) “We love, because He first loved us.” (I John 4:19). Did you catch that.. He first loved us… Agape love is proactive. It isn’t based on the action or decision of others. It isn’t waiting for your partner to do something nice for you and then acting in kind, it’s loving them first. It’s loving them when they’re rude and angry and hurtful. It’s unconditional. One of my favorite passages is Romans 8:38-39 “Neither death, not life, not angels, nor principalities, not things present, not things to come, nor powers, no height, nor depth nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” That’s such a comfort to me. I’ve felt abandoned and rejected by people I thought would never leave. It’s taken me a long time to fully trust that God won’t leave either. I just said the other day that it’s taken me 30 years to really fully accept that God loves me just the way I am and I don’t need to ‘earn’ it. It’s a good reminder to me, that nothing can take away that love.
Have I ever really truly experienced Agape love? Not other than in my relationship with Christ. I do believe that it’s possible. I believe I have the capacity to love in that way, now that I’ve experienced it for myself through Christ. Apart from having that example, I wouldn’t be able to accept or demonstrate agape love. I’ve tried the other two. I think now it’s time to try the third. I guess the third time really is a charm.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Hi Love..
Today’s reading is about greetings. Apparently (and I had to go look this up for myself) the Bible gives great weight to the way in which we greet one another. I Peter 5:14 says “Greet one another with a kiss of love” (this is a favorite verse of jr. high youth groups to justify kissing, I’m sure). We are supposed to greet everyone (even our enemies) with kindness and graciousness. Jesus commanded us on the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Sometimes our spouses can seem like enemies, yet it’s easier to be kind to strangers at the supermarket than it is to be kind to our own partners. “Consider the difference it would make in your spouse’s day if everything about you expressed the fact that you were really, really glad to see them”. Sometimes you’re not… and that’s when love becomes a choice. This is where leading your heart rather than following your heart comes in.
I’ve had this played out over and over in my life. One of the things that helped cement my relationship with Eric is his constant use of the greeting “Hello beautiful”. Even just reading it on IM gave my whole day a lift in some of the darkest times of my life. It was an acknowledgement that someone valued me. More recently, there have been times when I’m frustrated or angry or just plain out of sorts, and the phone rings and I hear ‘hey babe’ and half of that frustration and anger just melts away. It reaffirms that I am loved, that I matter and it is gentle and loving, and always heartfelt. I appreciate that so much.
This is really a simple task. Choose to greet your significant other (or your children or your parents or whomever you meet today) with a warm greeting. See how much better it makes you feel, and how it blesses their day.
I’ve had this played out over and over in my life. One of the things that helped cement my relationship with Eric is his constant use of the greeting “Hello beautiful”. Even just reading it on IM gave my whole day a lift in some of the darkest times of my life. It was an acknowledgement that someone valued me. More recently, there have been times when I’m frustrated or angry or just plain out of sorts, and the phone rings and I hear ‘hey babe’ and half of that frustration and anger just melts away. It reaffirms that I am loved, that I matter and it is gentle and loving, and always heartfelt. I appreciate that so much.
This is really a simple task. Choose to greet your significant other (or your children or your parents or whomever you meet today) with a warm greeting. See how much better it makes you feel, and how it blesses their day.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Jealousy
Today’s focus is on Jealousy. Two types of jealousy are described. The first is righteous jealousy, or jealousy that is legitimate. This is the type of jealousy you get when your spouse (or significant other) gets involved with someone else, when their attention, affection or loyalty moves from you to another person. This is also the type of jealousy that God is described to have toward his people. The other type of jealousy that is described is better categorized as envy. You want what someone else has, whether possessions, talents, or position. You can envy your neighbor, you can envy your co-workers and you can even envy your spouse. Today encourages you to become your spouse’s biggest fan, to celebrate with them their accomplishments and to help them achieve their dreams.
I’m not sure I can be totally objective about where I’m at with this one. I know I struggle with what I see as legitimate jealousy. I don’t want my spouse (or significant other) to lavish attention or spend time with another woman. I have a hard time accepting that they can be ‘just friends’. (Partly because I think my honey is the greatest in the world and that every other woman must see how great he is and want him.. after all, I do!) Yet, I’m a total hypocrite in this area because I’ve had male ‘friends’ that I’ve enjoyed spending time with in my life, and nothing has ever come of those friendships, except.. well… friendship. (I don’t really subscribe to the When Harry Met Sally view of men and women in friendships). So, this part of the jealousy thing hit home for me a little. But, I’m not sure the type of jealousy I experience is a bad thing. On the other hand, I don’t think I struggle at all with the illegitimate type of jealousy. I don’t look at what others have and envy it. I don’t envy my spouse’s (or significant other’s) accomplishments, position, possessions or talent. Heck, it’s part of the reason I love them. More than anything, I want them to be happy and live a fulfilling life.
I’m not sure I can be totally objective about where I’m at with this one. I know I struggle with what I see as legitimate jealousy. I don’t want my spouse (or significant other) to lavish attention or spend time with another woman. I have a hard time accepting that they can be ‘just friends’. (Partly because I think my honey is the greatest in the world and that every other woman must see how great he is and want him.. after all, I do!) Yet, I’m a total hypocrite in this area because I’ve had male ‘friends’ that I’ve enjoyed spending time with in my life, and nothing has ever come of those friendships, except.. well… friendship. (I don’t really subscribe to the When Harry Met Sally view of men and women in friendships). So, this part of the jealousy thing hit home for me a little. But, I’m not sure the type of jealousy I experience is a bad thing. On the other hand, I don’t think I struggle at all with the illegitimate type of jealousy. I don’t look at what others have and envy it. I don’t envy my spouse’s (or significant other’s) accomplishments, position, possessions or talent. Heck, it’s part of the reason I love them. More than anything, I want them to be happy and live a fulfilling life.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Appreciation
Today's reading in The Love Dare is based on "Love believes all things". Basically, the idea they're trying to get across is that love believes the best about the other person. Gives them the benefit of the doubt. It illustrates this in an interesting way. It describes two rooms that reside in our hearts. One room, the appreciation room, is where we go to dwell on the wonderful attributes of our mate. The walls of this room are filled with signs that celebrate the wonderful character traits we admire, the physical aspects we enjoy and the emotions being with that person evokes. We tend to dwell there in the beginning of a relationship, in the newness of love, in the discovery period. As time goes on (and marriage, or relationships get strained) we tend to gravitate to the other room in our hearts, the depreciation room. In this room are spraypainted on the walls all the hateful, hurtful things that tear at the fabric of the relationship. If you spend a long time in this room nurturing the hurts and disappointments, you tend to focus on the negative and everything gets painted in that light. Rather than focusing our eyes on all those negative words, imagine scrawling across them 'covered by love', or maybe in some cases 'forgiven'. It doesn't erase the reality of them, but allows the focus to be not on the hurts, but on the forgiveness, the love. Then close the door of that room and don't visit there often.
Choosing to look past the disappointments and hurts and focusing on the good qualities of your partner is essential to peace in your relationship. Learning to react and to act in love brings a whole new perspective and appreciation about for your relationship.
As I reflected on this metaphor in my own life I realized that the depreciation room of my heart was overflowing with boxes and bags and even a trophy case of all the hurts and wounds, and sore spots I've encountered in past relationships. I would visit that room often, feel sorry for myself, sit and polish my trophies, invite others over to observe them and lament about them with me. It's time to not only forgive, but to move on. To close and lock the door on those past hurts and never go back. So, I'm going to spend some time clearing out the boxes, throwing away the baggage and destroying those carefully maintained trophy cases. With such a promising future, It's really time to break free.
Choosing to look past the disappointments and hurts and focusing on the good qualities of your partner is essential to peace in your relationship. Learning to react and to act in love brings a whole new perspective and appreciation about for your relationship.
As I reflected on this metaphor in my own life I realized that the depreciation room of my heart was overflowing with boxes and bags and even a trophy case of all the hurts and wounds, and sore spots I've encountered in past relationships. I would visit that room often, feel sorry for myself, sit and polish my trophies, invite others over to observe them and lament about them with me. It's time to not only forgive, but to move on. To close and lock the door on those past hurts and never go back. So, I'm going to spend some time clearing out the boxes, throwing away the baggage and destroying those carefully maintained trophy cases. With such a promising future, It's really time to break free.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Irritable
Day 6 of The Love Dare:
Love is not Irritable.
Some quotes that jumped out at me from today's reading
Today's reading also talks about what factors cause stress and irritability. It talks about creating 'margin' in your life. Unstructured time to refresh, recharge and rest. The key, it says, to avoid being irritable is to reduce the amount of stress in your life and to learn to react from a calm rational perspective rather than from anger or frustration.
I've gotten better at learning to react from a calm perspective over the last year. Partly, because my stress has greatly reduced, and partly because my partner is one of the most peaceful and steady people I've ever met. He's taught me how to find the humor in tough situations and to be calm in situations that would have sent me into a major tizzy before. (For the most part.. but, give me a brek.. I'm a woman and have strong emotions.) There have been times when I start to react in 'old' habits of irritability and selfishness then I stop and a step back and look at the situation and think about my partner's perspective and personality, and that makes it easier to react in love and patience. I am SO blessed.
Love is not Irritable.
Some quotes that jumped out at me from today's reading
If you are walking under the influence of love, you will be a joy, not a jerk. Ask yourself, "Am I a calming breeze or a storm waiting to happen?"
When love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. It loosens your grasp and helps you let go of unnecessary things. Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content rather than rushing into more debt. Love encourages you to be happy when someone else succeeds rather than laying awake at night in envy. Love says "share the inheritance' rather than 'fight with your relatives.' It reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.
Today's reading also talks about what factors cause stress and irritability. It talks about creating 'margin' in your life. Unstructured time to refresh, recharge and rest. The key, it says, to avoid being irritable is to reduce the amount of stress in your life and to learn to react from a calm rational perspective rather than from anger or frustration.
I've gotten better at learning to react from a calm perspective over the last year. Partly, because my stress has greatly reduced, and partly because my partner is one of the most peaceful and steady people I've ever met. He's taught me how to find the humor in tough situations and to be calm in situations that would have sent me into a major tizzy before. (For the most part.. but, give me a brek.. I'm a woman and have strong emotions.) There have been times when I start to react in 'old' habits of irritability and selfishness then I stop and a step back and look at the situation and think about my partner's perspective and personality, and that makes it easier to react in love and patience. I am SO blessed.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wierdest Situation... Ever.
Ok, So today I had a chance to 'practice what I preach' in a very unexpected way. My ex, the kids' dad, has been planning a vacation with them for this weekend (it's a 4 day weekend from school for them). It was originally supposed to be 'my' weekend, but I told him I'd switch with him so he could take the kids on vacation (something he really hasn't been able to do, ever.) So, the airline tickets are free because he used to work for the airlines, and he thought he had all the hotel and car info taken care of, but... something went wrong. Here's the kicker, he doesn't get paid until tomorrow, and doesn't have enough available credit on a credit card to swing the deal. It all came down to about $250. So, he emailed me this morning letting me know it wasn't going to happen. Now, I think this is a great opportunity for the kids, and I know how excited they are to go. I think it will be good for not only them, but for their entire family. So, I asked some questions, and figured out that he really had exhausted all avenues of getting this paid for. I made the offer to pull some money from the kids' savings accounts and pay for the reservations with that money (so, he's borrowing money from the kids, not from me). He gratefully accepted the offer, and I went ahead and booked the hotel and car for him.
The strangest part of all this, is I don't really mind helping him out. I'm not focused on his error or oversight in this situation, but am focused instead on making sure my kids get to have a fantastic experience. I want them to have all the joy life has to offer, to play in the sand and enjoy the sun.. even if it's not with me.
The strangest part of all this, is I don't really mind helping him out. I'm not focused on his error or oversight in this situation, but am focused instead on making sure my kids get to have a fantastic experience. I want them to have all the joy life has to offer, to play in the sand and enjoy the sun.. even if it's not with me.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Rude
"He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him" - Proverbs 27:14
I've always loved this Bible verse. I'm typically a morning person, but I try to be aware that others are not and wake them (namely my children) with gentleness and quiet voices.
Today's love dare is based on the "Love is not rude" part of Corinthians 13. The reading points out that we treat our spouses, the people important to us, at times worse than we treat total strangers. We should remember above all that our partners are more important, more valuable, to be more respected than those we meet in the grocery store, or at work. I think the tendency is to 'wear the mask' around strangers. Put on the happy face, never show your true self, but when the mask comes off and the guard comes down, are you still the same person, or someone totally different? Are you still someone people want to be around? Or, are you like the woman described in Proverbs 25:24 "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarelsome wife".
One thing I always try to keep in mind, besides the motherly advice of 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all', is "let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth". Now, does that mean I never tease or joke or am sarcastic. No, but I never do it maliciously, and I always try to imagine myself on the receiving end of what I say. For several years I had a very biting tone of voice that I would occasionally use, but it seems that I haven't had that problem now for several months. I think it's mainly due to environmental factors. If, after I've said something, I think I've been harsh, rude, or offensive, I'll usually apologize. Especially to my children or my partner. Tone of voice is something I'm hyper aware of these days.
So, the 'assignment' for this dare is to ask your spouse what things you do that cause your spouse to be irritated or uncomfortable, and you're not supposed to react, but just take the facts. EEK. That's a toughie.
I've always loved this Bible verse. I'm typically a morning person, but I try to be aware that others are not and wake them (namely my children) with gentleness and quiet voices.
Today's love dare is based on the "Love is not rude" part of Corinthians 13. The reading points out that we treat our spouses, the people important to us, at times worse than we treat total strangers. We should remember above all that our partners are more important, more valuable, to be more respected than those we meet in the grocery store, or at work. I think the tendency is to 'wear the mask' around strangers. Put on the happy face, never show your true self, but when the mask comes off and the guard comes down, are you still the same person, or someone totally different? Are you still someone people want to be around? Or, are you like the woman described in Proverbs 25:24 "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarelsome wife".
One thing I always try to keep in mind, besides the motherly advice of 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all', is "let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth". Now, does that mean I never tease or joke or am sarcastic. No, but I never do it maliciously, and I always try to imagine myself on the receiving end of what I say. For several years I had a very biting tone of voice that I would occasionally use, but it seems that I haven't had that problem now for several months. I think it's mainly due to environmental factors. If, after I've said something, I think I've been harsh, rude, or offensive, I'll usually apologize. Especially to my children or my partner. Tone of voice is something I'm hyper aware of these days.
So, the 'assignment' for this dare is to ask your spouse what things you do that cause your spouse to be irritated or uncomfortable, and you're not supposed to react, but just take the facts. EEK. That's a toughie.
Role Model
I'm taking a break from the Love Dare posts for a minute to talk about role models. I have a sign in my classroom that reads: "You are someone's role model whether you realize it or not."
I didn't have very good Role Models in my life in certain areas, namely, how to be married and what a good marriage looks like. So, I've had to do a lot of reading and studying, and apparently a lot of 'field testing' to try to come up with what this looks like. I'm hoping I have it figured out now. :)
In other areas of my life, I had fantastic role models. My parents are both hard-working people, they value education (they're both teachers, so I hope they do) and they taught me to live a life of truth and generosity. Those are good things.
The teachers I had in high school and a few professors I had in college inspired me to be excellent at whatever I choose to do in life. Whether that's continuting to work in the public school system or go back into the corporate world, or somewhere in between, employers can count on me to strive to achieve more than what is expected of me.
I'm concerned about the kids of today. I'm concerned that they've become so calloused to life, and so disappointed by adults, public figures, athletes, etc. that they really don't aspire to much. They do just enough in school to pass, not excel, not be amazing. How do you reach kids, who don't care.. and don't want to?
Some have attributed it to a shift in society's thinking about heros. People aren't driven to succeed just because someone else has. The 'that's great for them, but it's not for me' mentality prevails. "It's too hard." "I don't get it." "Do I have to?" It sort of scares me.
I try to live with integrity in my personal life and in my professional life, but even so, at times I have become complacent about certain things. I have done 'just enough' to get by. I need to remember that people are watching.. even when I don't think they are.
I didn't have very good Role Models in my life in certain areas, namely, how to be married and what a good marriage looks like. So, I've had to do a lot of reading and studying, and apparently a lot of 'field testing' to try to come up with what this looks like. I'm hoping I have it figured out now. :)
In other areas of my life, I had fantastic role models. My parents are both hard-working people, they value education (they're both teachers, so I hope they do) and they taught me to live a life of truth and generosity. Those are good things.
The teachers I had in high school and a few professors I had in college inspired me to be excellent at whatever I choose to do in life. Whether that's continuting to work in the public school system or go back into the corporate world, or somewhere in between, employers can count on me to strive to achieve more than what is expected of me.
I'm concerned about the kids of today. I'm concerned that they've become so calloused to life, and so disappointed by adults, public figures, athletes, etc. that they really don't aspire to much. They do just enough in school to pass, not excel, not be amazing. How do you reach kids, who don't care.. and don't want to?
Some have attributed it to a shift in society's thinking about heros. People aren't driven to succeed just because someone else has. The 'that's great for them, but it's not for me' mentality prevails. "It's too hard." "I don't get it." "Do I have to?" It sort of scares me.
I try to live with integrity in my personal life and in my professional life, but even so, at times I have become complacent about certain things. I have done 'just enough' to get by. I need to remember that people are watching.. even when I don't think they are.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Thoughtful
Is it really just the thought that counts? Or is it the loving actions that result from that thought? Day 4 on The Love Dare is about thoughtfulness. I love the first two paragraphs of today's reading:
Since I'm a planner, the 'thinking' part of being in love is really important. I love to plan events, surprises, celebrations, I remember important dates, I have mental milestones littering the landscape of my life. I usually over-think things and analyze them way too much. I know it's a flaw. I'm not sure it will change. :)
The reading goes on to point out a percieved (and I've come to believe very real) difference between men and women. Now, let me preface this by saying not *ALL* men or *ALL* women will fall into this generalization, I know it's a blanket statement and I realize there are exceptions. Men, in general, tend to focus on one thing at a time. They focus much more intently on something than women do. In a sense, that's part of what makes them successful providers, employees, and decision makers. Women, in general, tend to think about something and not only the task or object at hand, but all the people and circumstances connected to that task or object. Women think relationally. They are multi-conscious, aware of multiple factors at a time. Now, you can take this clear back to cave man days if you want to. The woman needed to be aware of the offspring, the meal she was cooking, the dangers lurking out in the forest, etc. The man needed to focus solely on dealing with the task at hand, usually killing something to eat, or building something, or finding a fertile woman with which to produce said offspring. Men pursue the immediate goal with single minded determination.
The reading goes on to explain that women also tend to expect the man to look at a situation and look at all the factors surrounding the situation and put it all together in the way she's mentally put it all together. Yes, we expect you to read our minds.. actually we just expect you to look at a situation the same way we do and figure out what we've decided needs to be done. More often than not, men boil it down rapidly to the most obvious and simple solution (which is often what the situation really needs). Women tend to 'hint' at what they want. We do this because we want to know our guy is thinking about us. We want to give him the opportunity to do something we consider thoughtful. We feel like if we have to spell it out, then it isn't sincere or heartfelt on his part. He's just doing what we told him to do.
So, what's the solution? Women need to communicate expectations more clearly, and not be disappointed when our guys don't get the hints we try to drop. If you say "It's ok if you go out with the guys tonight, have fun, I won't wait up for you". Well, then he's going to take you at your word. He's going to go out with the guys, have fun and not expect a lecture when he gets home about how late he stayed out. Guys on the other hand need to think more about all the factors surrounding a situation and not immediately dismiss all those factors as unimportant to their partner. Think about what's gone on in her life today, and what she might be worrying about for tomorrow before making that decision to go spend the one free night you have this week with the guys.
The task for Day 4 is to contact your partner sometime during the business day with no agenda except just to ask how they are doing and if there's anything you can do for them.
Simple, powerful message. "I'm thinking about you and want to care for you".
Love thinks. It's not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.
When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. You honestly confessed, "I can't stop thinking about you."
Since I'm a planner, the 'thinking' part of being in love is really important. I love to plan events, surprises, celebrations, I remember important dates, I have mental milestones littering the landscape of my life. I usually over-think things and analyze them way too much. I know it's a flaw. I'm not sure it will change. :)
The reading goes on to point out a percieved (and I've come to believe very real) difference between men and women. Now, let me preface this by saying not *ALL* men or *ALL* women will fall into this generalization, I know it's a blanket statement and I realize there are exceptions. Men, in general, tend to focus on one thing at a time. They focus much more intently on something than women do. In a sense, that's part of what makes them successful providers, employees, and decision makers. Women, in general, tend to think about something and not only the task or object at hand, but all the people and circumstances connected to that task or object. Women think relationally. They are multi-conscious, aware of multiple factors at a time. Now, you can take this clear back to cave man days if you want to. The woman needed to be aware of the offspring, the meal she was cooking, the dangers lurking out in the forest, etc. The man needed to focus solely on dealing with the task at hand, usually killing something to eat, or building something, or finding a fertile woman with which to produce said offspring. Men pursue the immediate goal with single minded determination.
The reading goes on to explain that women also tend to expect the man to look at a situation and look at all the factors surrounding the situation and put it all together in the way she's mentally put it all together. Yes, we expect you to read our minds.. actually we just expect you to look at a situation the same way we do and figure out what we've decided needs to be done. More often than not, men boil it down rapidly to the most obvious and simple solution (which is often what the situation really needs). Women tend to 'hint' at what they want. We do this because we want to know our guy is thinking about us. We want to give him the opportunity to do something we consider thoughtful. We feel like if we have to spell it out, then it isn't sincere or heartfelt on his part. He's just doing what we told him to do.
So, what's the solution? Women need to communicate expectations more clearly, and not be disappointed when our guys don't get the hints we try to drop. If you say "It's ok if you go out with the guys tonight, have fun, I won't wait up for you". Well, then he's going to take you at your word. He's going to go out with the guys, have fun and not expect a lecture when he gets home about how late he stayed out. Guys on the other hand need to think more about all the factors surrounding a situation and not immediately dismiss all those factors as unimportant to their partner. Think about what's gone on in her life today, and what she might be worrying about for tomorrow before making that decision to go spend the one free night you have this week with the guys.
The task for Day 4 is to contact your partner sometime during the business day with no agenda except just to ask how they are doing and if there's anything you can do for them.
Simple, powerful message. "I'm thinking about you and want to care for you".
Sunday, September 14, 2008
UnSelfish
Day 3 on the Love dare is about selfishness. It states that selfishness is the opposite of love and that whatever you put your time, energy and resources into is what's most important to you. The dare for the day is to buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today".
I've been thinking about this for a while, and it seems the love dare also helps you practice or discover multilinugualism in the "Love languages". If you're not familiar with the love languages, they are: words of affirmation, acts of service, giving gifts, quality time, physical touch. You can click on the link to take a quiz and see which language is your dominant language. I believe to a certain extent, we are all multilingual when it comes to love languages. I've found I certainly am. While my primary love language is physical touch and my secondary language is quality time(both of which make a long distance relationship that much more difficult), I've come to realize I do need words of affirmation. I like to know I'm doing a good job. I like to know how my significant other feels about me, and why. Acts of service shout loud and clear that I am loved. Emptying that overflowing trash can, washing that sink of dirty dishes, or just balancing the checkbook. Those all shout "I love you and care about you" to me. The last one on my list has to be gift giving. I sometimes feel uncomfortable when someone spends a lot of money on me. I would rather have something simple and heartfelt. If it took time to make it or get it, that much better. My favorite birthday present this year was a photo bracelet my children made for me with photos in it from our trip this summer to Oregon. It had photos of each of the kids, and some of the lighthouses we visited. It's a treasure to me, and means so much. To me, it's the thought that went with the gift rather than the gift itself, but lets face it, we all like to be remembered and made to feel special.
I think the key to this love dare today are the words "I was thinking of you". Not something just thrown together or picked up at the supermarket on the way home, but something that took thought, planning, something that had you going out of your way to do something your spouse would recognize as unselfish.
I've been thinking about this for a while, and it seems the love dare also helps you practice or discover multilinugualism in the "Love languages". If you're not familiar with the love languages, they are: words of affirmation, acts of service, giving gifts, quality time, physical touch. You can click on the link to take a quiz and see which language is your dominant language. I believe to a certain extent, we are all multilingual when it comes to love languages. I've found I certainly am. While my primary love language is physical touch and my secondary language is quality time(both of which make a long distance relationship that much more difficult), I've come to realize I do need words of affirmation. I like to know I'm doing a good job. I like to know how my significant other feels about me, and why. Acts of service shout loud and clear that I am loved. Emptying that overflowing trash can, washing that sink of dirty dishes, or just balancing the checkbook. Those all shout "I love you and care about you" to me. The last one on my list has to be gift giving. I sometimes feel uncomfortable when someone spends a lot of money on me. I would rather have something simple and heartfelt. If it took time to make it or get it, that much better. My favorite birthday present this year was a photo bracelet my children made for me with photos in it from our trip this summer to Oregon. It had photos of each of the kids, and some of the lighthouses we visited. It's a treasure to me, and means so much. To me, it's the thought that went with the gift rather than the gift itself, but lets face it, we all like to be remembered and made to feel special.
I think the key to this love dare today are the words "I was thinking of you". Not something just thrown together or picked up at the supermarket on the way home, but something that took thought, planning, something that had you going out of your way to do something your spouse would recognize as unselfish.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Kind
I may do the love dare on this blog for a while, not that I have anyone to practice this on, but I suppose I can practice it on everyone I know. I like being able to focus on one aspect of love a day. Maybe this is part of the healing process I need. Maybe I need help re-defining love because it's been so abused and warped in my fomer relationships. Whatever the reason, it's speaking to me, so I'll continue.
The second day of the Love Dare is to be kind.
Just as patience is REACTIVE (reacting to a situation in a certain way) kindness is PROACTIVE (creating a situation intentionally). Going out of your way to do something nice, say a kind word, help out, take initiative, think of something and do it. It's INTENTIONAL. Kindness is not only a gift to the receiver, it's a gift to the giver. It makes you feel better about yourself, makes you appreciate the little things in life more, but only when you do it from unselfish motives. When you do it not to receive anything back.
I'm a very practical person, so having someone do something for me that I would normally have to do myself (take out the trash, feed the animals, vaccuum, do the dishes) is a very meaningful way of being kind. It's also nice to know you're being thought about. A card, email, phone call. It doesn't have to be extravagant or expensive.. it just has to be thoughtful and kind. I want my words to always be kind and full of grace, mercy and patience. It's how I want others to treat me, so it's how I'll try to treat others.
Need ideas? The Random Act of Kindness foundation has thousands.
The second day of the Love Dare is to be kind.
Just as patience is REACTIVE (reacting to a situation in a certain way) kindness is PROACTIVE (creating a situation intentionally). Going out of your way to do something nice, say a kind word, help out, take initiative, think of something and do it. It's INTENTIONAL. Kindness is not only a gift to the receiver, it's a gift to the giver. It makes you feel better about yourself, makes you appreciate the little things in life more, but only when you do it from unselfish motives. When you do it not to receive anything back.
I'm a very practical person, so having someone do something for me that I would normally have to do myself (take out the trash, feed the animals, vaccuum, do the dishes) is a very meaningful way of being kind. It's also nice to know you're being thought about. A card, email, phone call. It doesn't have to be extravagant or expensive.. it just has to be thoughtful and kind. I want my words to always be kind and full of grace, mercy and patience. It's how I want others to treat me, so it's how I'll try to treat others.
Need ideas? The Random Act of Kindness foundation has thousands.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Patient
I received the Love Dare book in the mail today and started reading the first day. As I've mentioned, God has been teaching me the lesson of patience. This first day is all about patience. A few quotes lept off the page at me.
I'm obviously still learning this lesson.. but isn't that sort of the point? No quick fix is going to teach you patience.
"Patience stops problems in their tracks. More than biting your lip more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath."(Remember a while ago, I talked about the need to just breathe)
"Patience, however, makes us wise. It doesn't rush to judgement but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience stands in the doorway where anger is clawing to burst in, but waits to see the whole picture before passing judgement."
"Patience is where love meets wisdom"
"Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure."
"Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it's a race worth running."That reminds me of this post from back in February.
I'm obviously still learning this lesson.. but isn't that sort of the point? No quick fix is going to teach you patience.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Fireproof
Yesterday our church had the unique opportunity to view the entire film "Fireproof" before it comes out in theaters on September 26, 2008. We were able to see it for the express purpose of promoting the film in our community and trying to get as many other people to go see it on opening weekend as possible. I haven't seen the other films by Sherwood Pictures, Facing the Giants and Flywheel, but I intend to see them as soon as I can.
Fireproof is a film dealing with a couple whose marriage is on the verge of divorce. It really hit home for me. Especially the opening scenes where the couple argues about money. "My money" and "your money" and how much the other person works vs brings home, etc. It was like I was witnessing conversations from my recently failed marriage from a third person point of view. I think the premise of the movie is a good one, and that it soundly points to the need for a relationship with Christ Jesus. One thing that bothers me a little, and granted this is because of my own baggage, but it seems like the 'solution' is just to become a Christian and your marriage will be saved. The sad truth is, that's not always the case. The movie deals with addictions, specifically internet porn addiction, and plainly says that anything that has your heart and your attention that you're not willing to give up for the sake of your marriage is a parasite it will suck the life out of your marriage. In the movie, the character of Caleb, the husband (played by Kirk Cameron), gives up an internet porn addiction (actually takes a baseball bat to the computer and monitor!) and gets it OUT of the house. That was pretty powerful stuff. Other addictions aren't so easily handled however, and if you or your spouse are facing issues like alcoholism, gambling, or drugs, those addictions are harder to break and it's going to take more than just getting it out of the house, it's going to require some professional help. This movie also touches on the effects of pornography from the woman's perspective and shows how damaging it can be to a woman's psyche to know her husband engages in viewing porn. The woman doesn't get off scott free here however as it shows the wife slowly slipping into a workplace affair. Red flags started going up for me because of the reading I've done recently on 'affair proofing your marriage'. Sure enough, the woman starts becoming emotionally attached to someone other than her husband and sharing personal, emotional energy with that man rather than speaking to her husband about her feelings. Admittedly, the time frame for this is while the woman is filing divorce papers and is totally confused by her husbands new actions. But there's a twist to it I'll let you discover when you go see the movie for yourself. I took my teenage daughter with me to see it, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for younger children. It's not a movie a young child will get much out of.
All that being said, I'd really encourage anyone, everyone, to go see this movie on opening weekend, September 26-28. I laughed, I cried, I saw myself up on the screen. The book "The Love Dare" is already out and available for purchase and, even though I'm not currently married, I bought two.
Official Website
Buy The Love Dare Book
Fireproof is a film dealing with a couple whose marriage is on the verge of divorce. It really hit home for me. Especially the opening scenes where the couple argues about money. "My money" and "your money" and how much the other person works vs brings home, etc. It was like I was witnessing conversations from my recently failed marriage from a third person point of view. I think the premise of the movie is a good one, and that it soundly points to the need for a relationship with Christ Jesus. One thing that bothers me a little, and granted this is because of my own baggage, but it seems like the 'solution' is just to become a Christian and your marriage will be saved. The sad truth is, that's not always the case. The movie deals with addictions, specifically internet porn addiction, and plainly says that anything that has your heart and your attention that you're not willing to give up for the sake of your marriage is a parasite it will suck the life out of your marriage. In the movie, the character of Caleb, the husband (played by Kirk Cameron), gives up an internet porn addiction (actually takes a baseball bat to the computer and monitor!) and gets it OUT of the house. That was pretty powerful stuff. Other addictions aren't so easily handled however, and if you or your spouse are facing issues like alcoholism, gambling, or drugs, those addictions are harder to break and it's going to take more than just getting it out of the house, it's going to require some professional help. This movie also touches on the effects of pornography from the woman's perspective and shows how damaging it can be to a woman's psyche to know her husband engages in viewing porn. The woman doesn't get off scott free here however as it shows the wife slowly slipping into a workplace affair. Red flags started going up for me because of the reading I've done recently on 'affair proofing your marriage'. Sure enough, the woman starts becoming emotionally attached to someone other than her husband and sharing personal, emotional energy with that man rather than speaking to her husband about her feelings. Admittedly, the time frame for this is while the woman is filing divorce papers and is totally confused by her husbands new actions. But there's a twist to it I'll let you discover when you go see the movie for yourself. I took my teenage daughter with me to see it, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for younger children. It's not a movie a young child will get much out of.
All that being said, I'd really encourage anyone, everyone, to go see this movie on opening weekend, September 26-28. I laughed, I cried, I saw myself up on the screen. The book "The Love Dare" is already out and available for purchase and, even though I'm not currently married, I bought two.
Official Website
Buy The Love Dare Book
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Unencumbered
Eight months ago, broken, beat down, and barely holding on, I found refuge here among the corn fields and feed-lots of the Great Plains. Slowly, I've adjusted to the bucolic lifestyle and surroundings. Once a true city girl, I'm more content in this provincial setting where life runs at a slower pace. I've needed that time to recuperate, mend, become unbroken, restored. I've done some intense introspection over the last few months. I’ve looked myself squarely in the heart and discovered truth I didn’t want to admit. I've found the strength to forgive myself, and others for the destructiveness of the past. Relinquishing the tragic role I clung to for so long is liberating. It's also frightening. Walking in my own footsteps is sometimes terrifying. However it reaffirms what I’ve known about myself all along and lost sight of. I am made of sturdy stuff. I am not easily defeated.
Isaiah 54:4-17
4 Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your widowhood any more.
5 For your Maker is your Husband--the Lord of hosts is His name--and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called.
6 For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken, grieved in spirit, and heartsore--even a wife [wooed and won] in youth, when she is [later] refused and scorned, says your God.
7 For a brief moment I forsook you, but with great compassion and mercy I will gather you [to Me] again.
8 In a little burst of wrath I hid My face from you for a moment, but with age-enduring love and kindness I will have compassion and mercy on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer.
9 For this is like the days of Noah to Me; as I swore that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth, so have I sworn that I will not be angry with you or rebuke you.
10 For though the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you.
11 O you afflicted [city], storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in fair colors [in antimony to enhance their brilliance] and lay your foundations with sapphires.
12 And I will make your windows and pinnacles of [sparkling] agates or rubies, and your gates of [shining] carbuncles, and all your walls [of your enclosures] of precious stones.(B)
13 And all your [spiritual] children shall be disciples [taught by the Lord and obedient to His will], and great shall be the peace and undisturbed composure of your children.(C)
14 You shall establish yourself in righteousness (rightness, in conformity with God's will and order): you shall be far from even the thought of oppression or destruction, for you shall not fear, and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
15 Behold, they may gather together and stir up strife, but it is not from Me. Whoever stirs up strife against you shall fall and surrender to you.
16 Behold, I have created the smith who blows on the fire of coals and who produces a weapon for its purpose; and I have created the devastator to destroy.
17 But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord [those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced]; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me [this is that which I impart to them as their justification], says the Lord.
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