YAY!!

#1. Summer is here. I picked up my kids today, and that's when summer officially begins for me. We're leaving on a week and a half long camping trip to include Oregon and Yellowstone National Park. I'm not sure I'll have any wireless internet access, but I will be taking my laptop. So, I may or may not update from the road, it all depends.

#2. I had a fantastic weekend filled with reconnecting, rejuvinating, relaxing and realizing that once in a while, life really does give you second chances. I'm so glad I have a second shot.

#3. My roof didn't leak while I was gone. I seriously thought I was going to come home to my living room ceiling laying on the floor. Fortunately, that didn't happen. Now, I just need to get the roofer over here to see what the problem is.

#4. I'm working on some pretty important stuff personally, and feel like things are getting somewhat better. Boundaries/relationships with parents being at the top of my list right now. After this upcoming vacation, we'll see how it works.

#5 Have I mentioned how awesome my kids are? :) Well, it deserves a second go. I'm so blessed to have such amazing people as my own kids. I'm glad we're not just family, we're friends.

Tossed

Do your emotions rule your head or does your head rule your emotions? I struggle with this constantly. Most often, I allow my emotions to overrule my head. I said recently that I can’t get my heart to believe what my head already knows. That’s been true of me for a long time, and I’m really kind of tired of it. My emotions fluctuate like the tide. I am tossed about, unstable and floundering. I have finally overcome this in my relationship with God. For as long as I can remember I would say that I *knew* God loved me, but somehow I couldn’t get it past my chin and down deep into my heart. When I attended the Revolve Tour in February with my daughter, a healing began in my relationship with God, I finally let it get past my chin and sink deep down into my soul. I am loved, I am worthy, and I am whole.


There are other relationships where I’m not so good at this yet. I’m practicing, really trying to stop listening to the fickleness of my heart and let my head rule a little bit more of my life. It’s hard, the heart is so convincing and pulls on the gut and wrenches the spirit. But, I don’t want to be tossed about. I don’t want to constantly battle the overwhelming emotions that compete for my attention. I want to be in control of them, not let them control me. For someone with my temperament, that’s a tall order, but with God’s help, I can be in control of this aspect of my life in all relationships.

James 1:5-8
5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Almost.......

Isn't anticipation fun? I mean, sometimes. Sometimes it can be torture. I've been anticipating the end of the school year and the start of summer more this year than most. This summer is going to be fantastic, and the anticipation is almost at an end.

Things are better when you really really want them.

Permission

I've had some struggles lately with permission. First off, I had to give myself permission to grieve over the loss of the relationship with the STBX. My wise counselor told me many months ago that you can't 'pre-grieve' something. I really thought I had grieved the end of that relationship and that I was ready to move on. I was wrong. I needed to give myself permission to be sad, permission to miss him, permission to remember the good times and permission to be pissed off. I wrote a 8 page 'letter' to him that I'll never mail, but it was theraputic to do it, and I'm better for it.

The other thing with permission is that I still seek 'permission' from people like my mother especially to do things. I've had a close relationship with her, sometimes to the detriment of other relationships (both husbands didn't think it was a healthy relationship, I'm beginning to see that for myself now too). So, I'm no longer checking in with her about everything. I need to give myself permission to be the adult and make my own choices, good or bad, and live with it.

The only person I need permission from is ME. That's a good realization to come to at this point in my life.

Hitched

So, today, I got hitched.. well.. ok, my van did. I now have a trailer hitch installed and I'm ready to hit the road here in about a week and a half for Oregon. This will be the first time my kids have seen the ocean! I'm excited to see their faces. Part of the coast we're going to be at has really powerful surf. It's not the idyllic sunny beaches where you play in the sand, it's the powerful raw force of nature. We'll go to some sandy beaches too, but I want them to see both extremes. On our way back home, we'll go through Yellowstone National Park. Again, seeing the forces of nature at work.

Habakuk 2:14 For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea.

"Whisper" meme

Ok, So, I'm tagged by my friend Ian to do this meme thing, and while I've been blogging more and more lately, I don't venture out much past my safe little circles. So, this is a stretch for me, and please recall, I'm not a writer.


The rules:
1. Make a change in the paragraph below. It can be as little as a single word or almost every word, so long as we can still recognize the paragraph you received from the person who tagged you, not the original paragraph.

My paragraph:

She came from the wrong side of the tracks, her pride in one hand and his addiction in the other. Her name was Desiree and she'd never called upon him before when she needed the business. He'd said he pitied her, just like he had so many other girls before her. She cursed him, and then she got down to business. “Like a dog returns to it’s vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.” - Proverbs 26:11

2. Next, tag three people to make a change in the paragraph you wrote, and link to them.

3. Also link to the person who tagged you (me) so the chain will not be broken.

4. Go to the original paragraph at Alice's Restaurant and let her know you did it so she can link back to you. For extra credit, head over to AliceAudrey.wordpress.com around June 9th for the contest based on this meme. You could win a $20 gift certificate!

I'm tagging: sghoul, John Wayne's Girl, and T.H. Elliott


For reference:
Ian's paragraph:
He came from across the dark prairie, his axe in one hand and her heart in the other. His name was Ricardo and he'd never called upon her before when she needed the business. He'd said he pitied her, just like he had so many other girls before her. She cursed him, and so he cut out her heart. Like a scavenger dog, he slunk off to find his next victim.

PhoenixHearse's paragraph:
He came from across town, his ego in one hand and her heart in the other. His name was Ricardo and he never called her when she needed him most. He said he pitied her, along with all the other girls. Instead of cursing him, she took her heart and her dog, and ran off to Poughkeepsie.

Counting Down

The great countdown is on all over the US. Days to election day? NAH. Shopping days till Christmas?? ARE YOU KIDDING? You know what it is... School kids of all ages are counting down the last days of school (and teachers too for that matter). That glorious anticipation of long summer days with no homework, projects or school. As a teacher, I look forward to the end of school almost as much as the students do. I mean, it is, afterall one of the only perks of the job. So, I'm joining in. I have 6 1/2 actual days of school left. Although, with yearbook deadline and graduation being after school gets out, I'll have to finish up some stuff, but still, it will be on my terms. :) So, let's hear it for summer.