Permission

I've had some struggles lately with permission. First off, I had to give myself permission to grieve over the loss of the relationship with the STBX. My wise counselor told me many months ago that you can't 'pre-grieve' something. I really thought I had grieved the end of that relationship and that I was ready to move on. I was wrong. I needed to give myself permission to be sad, permission to miss him, permission to remember the good times and permission to be pissed off. I wrote a 8 page 'letter' to him that I'll never mail, but it was theraputic to do it, and I'm better for it.

The other thing with permission is that I still seek 'permission' from people like my mother especially to do things. I've had a close relationship with her, sometimes to the detriment of other relationships (both husbands didn't think it was a healthy relationship, I'm beginning to see that for myself now too). So, I'm no longer checking in with her about everything. I need to give myself permission to be the adult and make my own choices, good or bad, and live with it.

The only person I need permission from is ME. That's a good realization to come to at this point in my life.