Growth

It's exciting to see evidence of growth and healing. Tonight I was looking for some song lyrics I knew I had on the computer somewhere and came across some old letters I'd saved. One was from two years ago when I very first started this journey of recovery and healing, one was from a year and a half ago when I said goodbye to the ex. The last one was from just over a year ago and was a list of things I was working on. Now, I can't say that everything on that list is crossed off and taken care of, but much of what I have struggled with for so long has simply ceased to be an issue because of my understanding of my position in Christ. This was very clear to me as I read the book "The Shack" this weekend. For some, it may be a book that is a radical departure from their way of viewing God. For me, it was a great affirmation of the intimate relationship I have with the creator, redeemer and lover of my soul. I have so many question marks in my life right now, but, though I'm excited about how they will all be answered, I have no doubts of the rightness of God's timing, or of the extreme care and love bestowed upon me by an benevolent, protective heavenly parent. I find myself looking at others a little differently, and reminding myself that God is especially fond of ALL of his children.

We're back

It was a fantastic trip. We rode roller coasters, went to the beach, rode more roller coasters, played in water parks and pools and more beaches and saw a lot of animals and spent time just hanging out and relaxing with my favorite person in the world. I really didn't want to leave, not only because the 27 hour drive home was much less appealing to me than the drive out, but because I felt very comfortable, and at peace there, I always do. I'm still getting used to being 'home'. It was so nice to be away for a while and pretend that the pressures here don't exist. But, now, it's back to reality, and yard work and preparations for school. I was dismayed when I walked into our local store tonight and found they already had school supplies out on the shelves. I still have almost a month of summer left! :)

When I got back, I had a yard full of weeds to pull and mowing to do in the back (a neighbor mowed the front while I was gone so it would at least look like someone was sort of here). As I was pulling weeds one morning this week, I was again reminded of how a physical garden is a good metaphor for our spiritual lives. Left untended for a while, weeds crop up and choke out the good plants. It's a lot easier to weed it daily and only have a few minutes work to do, rather than having a marathon weed pulling session that takes hours. It was a gentle reminder to me, that I need to be taking care of my spiritual 'garden' every day too.

Preparations

We're leaving.. for almost a month! I'm excited, but also a little nervous that I won't remember everything I need to bring. So, I make lists. My BF jokes that I makes lists of my lists to keep it all organized, which isn't quite true, but close.
I'm a little nervous about driving across the country (1800 miles one way) with three kids, but I also remember the amazing trips my mom took me and my brother on when we were growing up, and I feel like it's my turn, and I want to make those kinds of memories with MY kids. I also want to know that I can do it. I've planned and prepared for this trip for over three months, and now I have to wait one more week before we can get in the car and drive. I have lists of things to do to keep me busy, so I won't drive myself crazy. YAY for road trips.

New birth.

I know this is strange.. but hopefully today my children will have a new half sister. I remember the wonder I felt after the birth of each of my children. This song goes out to my kids' newest half sibling, and her mother, who I can finally call my friend.

I just heard this song for the first time on Pandora. I really love the lyrics and the haunting melody.

In My Arms by Plumb on the album Blink

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contageous smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

Knowing clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies

Knowing clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you

Clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Loved

My kids are really truly amazing people. Each of them has their own special talents and interests, and each of them has their own way of communicating with me. I love that my 13 year old son still like for me to hug him (just not in front of the guys mom) and that my oldest daughter likes 'girl talk' and my youngest daughter, is always up for a walk or an adventure with me. Having them around more has been great this year. As summer approaches, I'm glad we have a big trip planned, but am sort of at odds with what I will do when they're at their dad's house for a significant period of time in the summer. I need to learn to enjoy the moments I have them here, rather than worrying about what I'll do when they aren't.

Feeling Good

April was a hard month for me. I was extremely busy, and really didn't take time for myself like I should have. It also means Easter candy which has been the downfall of many many diet attempts on my part. This year was no exception. So, with April out of the way, and summer quickly approaching (yay!) I'm starting to make some changes in my weekly habits. The first change is that I'm moving more. I'm walking, outside working in my yard, and also doing work out dvd's. I've noticed that I feel better about myself when I exercise. Maybe it's the endorphins, maybe it's just because I'm taking care of me, but I like it. I'm going to keep doing it.

The other thing I'm doing is setting small (6 weeks at a time) goals for weight loss. I get overwhelmed when I think about 4 or 5 or 6 months down the road, but 6 weeks I can do and 10 pounds at a time is something reasonable in 6 weeks. If I do more, great! But, I think I can stick to this. I need to use the time I have wisely, and part of that is getting away from the computer and outside. So, with that said, I think I'll walk to church this morning. Yard work is on the agenda this afternoon.

Have a great day!

Fenced

YAY! My fence is back up and secure. I can't express my thanks to the guys who came and helped me build this enough. Not only did they dig the post holes I was struggling to dig in about 15 minutes, but they helped get the whole fence built in one day. I'm glad to have a few friends up here in the middle of nowhere. So, the doggies are happy to be able to run around again, and I'm happy they can too. The level of energy those dogs have is amazing, they were definitely born to run.