In Better Hands

The bass guitar and drums reverberate through my chest. I can feel every beat. The pounding drum echoes in the pit of my stomach. Shrieks of teenage girls whistling for their favorite music artists compete with the ringing in my middle-aged ears. Nine thousand voices are raised in praise and I am overcome with emotion. I sit down and just let the tears stream down my face as floods of love and joy and peace and acceptance wash over and through me. Breaking down the carefully constructed walls protecting my heart. Filling me up with hope and emptying out the years of abuse, of darkness, of not being ‘enough’.

This weekend I took my teenage daughter to the Revolve Tour. (What’s the Revolve Tour you ask) It’s like a big youth rally put on by the same people who do the Women of Faith conference. It’s for teen girls and talks to them about image issues, conformity, loving yourself and accepting yourself and letting God heal you.

We ALL need to hear these things. I’m 35 years old. I’ve been married, had children, have a good education and a decent job and I’m sitting there thinking… I’m getting more out of this than these girls. If I’d known 20 years ago and really was able to accept and apply this to my life at that point, I wouldn’t have needed to go through all the crap I’ve gone through. But, then I think too, maybe I’ve needed to go through all this crap to be able to really accept what I’m hearing, to really be able to say, YES! To let it seep down into the cracks and fissures of my life and my soul to nourish, heal, restore.

I needed to be told how much God loves me. I needed to remember that HE is my best friend and that I never have to change who I am, or what I do to impress Him. He made me and loves me. I know that sounds simple, and to those of you who have a relationship with Christ, it’s the basics. Maybe that’s where I’m at again. The basics. Because when all of life’s ‘stuff’ has been stripped away from you, that’s what you’re left with. It’s not a bad place to start rebuilding. Loving yourself is hard sometimes. I'm learning to love me, maybe for the first time in my entire life, I think I'm ok. Not because a boyfriend or husband or parent tells me I am. But, because I believe God, and He is too wise to be mistaken.

The lyrics to a particular song by Natalie Grant seemed like they were ripped from the pages of my soul. There are other lyrics I’ll post later, but for tonight, this is where I am… In Better Hands.

It's hard to stand on shifting sand
It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night
You can't be free if you don't reach for help
You can’t love if you don’t love yourself

There is hope when my faith runs out
Cause I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now

I am strong all because of you
I stand in awe of every mountain that you move
Oh I am changed, yesterday is gone
I am safe from this moment on

There's no fear when the night comes 'round
I'm in better hands now”