Goals

It's good to have goals. As I look back over the month, One of my goals was to blog more consistantly. I tried to post every day, but didn't quite make that goal. Hopefully this month of writing more will help me open up some of the things I've been trying to say for a long time, but just couldn't. If you're one of the faithful few (and I mean few) who read here regularly, thanks. You're the important people in my life. For those just dropping by, hope to see more of you in the future. Thanks for coming on the journey this far.

Sunshine and Bananas

Whether real or manufactured, Sunshine really lifts my spirits and brightens my mood :) I'm so looking forward to summer.

I also love eating bananas. Not only are they good for you, but they're the only food I know of that trisect perfectly. I love taking a bite of banana and pushing my tongue up against the end of it until it perfectly breaks into three equal pieces. Yeah, I'm weird... I like me that way. :)

Count Down

Opening night of the play is Thursday this week. Last night was the full dress/tech rehearsal. Things went really well, better than I expected even. There are a few tweaks we need, the indoor set for Loxley Manor looks very drab, so we need something on the walls. I think everything else is pretty good though. At any rate, it will get done, and be over on Saturday, and life can once again resume it's 'normal' level of busyness and stress. :)

Letting Go

So, last night the STBX asked for the wedding rings back. He had given me two sets, the set we got married with, and then a second set at 5 years, that was bigger, nicer, and matched his in color more (he wore Titanium, I had yellow gold on the first ring, the second set was white gold). At first I fought it, resisted, cried, didn't want to give them back, but then I realized, they're just pieces of metal and stone, just things that represented something that ultimately failed. Dashed dreams, wrecked hopes. So, I sent them back today. I think the part that made me the most upset was that he started claiming he never wanted the divorce. He insinuated that I'd planned it all along. I'm sure he was drunk as he was emailing me. He may not even remember the conversation, but he usually does. At any rate, it's just one more piece of baggage I don't have to deal with anymore. I need to let go, and not hold too tightly to the things of this world. They are after all, just things.

Unless the Lord builds the house....

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. ~ Psalm 127:1

Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn out it's seven pillars. She has prepared meat and mixed her wine; she has also set her table. She has sent out her maids, and she calls from the highest point in the city. "Let all who are simple come in here!" She says to those twho lack judgement. "Come, eat my food and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of understanding........ The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer'. Proverbs 9: 1-6, 10-12

I've been thinking a lot about the 'building of my house'. Not in the physical sense, although I did just mow the lawn for the first time today, but more in a spiritual and emotional sense. With summer approaching, and the preparations I'm making to have my children here 'full time' all summer, I need to figure out what the tone of the summer will be. What am I going to focus on? For the last several years, I've felt trapped, tied down and controlled by various people in my life. This summer, I want to enjoy each minute with my kids. I want to savor the time I have with them. I want to lay on the grass and look up in the sky and dream, and talk, and laugh. I don't want to worry about if the clothes get dirty, or the house gets dirty or the dogs get dirty, we all wash up pretty well. I don't want to feel rushed or stressed or have a cloud hanging over us. I have the opportunity to create a new tradition, to let the little things go, and really live. I want to be wise with the time I am given with my children. I want to impact them in a way that will help them be better, stronger, more balanced people as they move into their teenage years. I want a relationship with them where they can talk to me honestly, because they know I will really listen and react first and foremost with love for them.

My prayer is that the Lord will build my house, and that I will listen to wisdom.

Life is good

Tonight I'm feeling incredibly blessed. I have friends, near and far, who are genuinely concerned about me, and I them. My children are healthy and happy, and well-adjusted. My job is pretty good, I wish my profession paid more, but that's another blog entry all together. I have friends from Church, friends in my neighborhood. I have a full life.


Today I spent half the day painting picnic benches, cleaning up trash, moving branches and herding 50 teenagers around a huge state park area near where I work for a school wide community service day. It was freezing, it was hard work, but I'm grateful we did it. It makes our town look so much better. I hope the kids learned some good things about taking pride in where you live.

Now, I'm going to go take a bubble bath and soak away the soreness in my muscles. Life is Good.

Band Geek

Tonight I got to go to my oldest daughter and my son's band concert. Granted, it's 6th and 7th grade band (the 8th grade played too, but my kids weren't in it) and they're nervous and just learning how to hold their instruments and how to not squawk on the notes, and how to keep rhythm (my daughter plays the clarinet and my son plays the drums) but they're so darn cute!! My son looked so handsome in his suit coat and spiky gelled hair (ala Don Johnson in Miami Vice) and my daughter looked lovely in high heels and a spring skirt.

Ok, I'll admit it. Deep down, I'm a band geek. I love watching the director wave his arms around. I love that breathless anticipation when the instruments come up to 'ready'. I love hearing the cacophany created by fledglings as they bravely work their way through a piece of music. I tried band in 5th grade and just didn't really click with it. I play the piano, but not very well. I do, however have a decent voice, and a good ear. My kids have definitely got the music gene instrumental and vocal and I'm thrilled. My brother is an amazing instrumentalist and I loved growing up hearing him play anything from the piano to the trombone all the way through the low brass down to the Tuba. When Russ, my brother, was in Drum and Bugle Corp, I think I fell in love with the big brass sound. I could listen to Drump Corp music anytime. The thrill of the show is riveting and the music pounds through my body. It's addicting. Maybe I'll take the kids to a DCI show this summer.