Understood

"When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. The mystery and challenge of knowing her seems less intriguing, and he finds his interests drifting to other areas."

"Consider the following perspective: if the amount you studied your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a "college degree"... ultimately a "doctorate degree" Think of it as a lifelong journey that draws your heart ever closer to your mate."

Studying your spouse involves asking questions, listening and asking God for discernment. Delving into the mystery that makes up your spouses actions, attitudes and perceptions is to become intimate in knowledge of them, to know them better than anyone else on the planet. You may not always agree with his or her point of view or perceptions, but knowing these things will help you gague how your spouse will react in future situations.

I have not been fortunate enough to be friends for a long time with my former spouses before we married. I don't believe they knew me well before we were engaged or married and I don't believe they took the time to try to get to know me after we were married. My actions were often misinterpreted, assumptions made, and attitudes formed based on inaccurate knowledge of my feelings or motives. Fortunately, I now have the chance to explore at great length the nuances of my partner's personality. I always wanted a doctorate degree, and I have a fascinating subject to study.

I have a book suggestion for getting to know your spouse better. It's actually designed for dating or engaged couples, but it has a variety of questions you can ask your mate and questions for discussion. It's called Intellectual Foreplay. I bought it some time ago, and haven't had to break it out very often to spur on deeper questioning, but when I get stuck, it helps generate things I want to know more about my partner. Check it out.