Forgive

I receive a daily email from Divorcecare.com. The past week or so the topic has been forgiveness. I'm struggling with this right now. I hate the effect my ex can have on me still, almost a year after the decision to divorce was finally made. Even after years of his repeated threats to leave me knowing that my abandonment issues from childhood would be just the button to push to 'keep me in line'. I think he was surprised when I finally gave in to his last threat, his last diatribe about being done and finally agreed with him. I think he's even more surprised that I've managed to land on my feet and am making it without him. I walked away and never looked back. So, now he tries to get to me through the guise of keeping some sort of a relationship with my kids. They don't want a relationship with him, so at this point, I'm ready to completely sever all ties to him. I owe him nothing and want nothing from him but for him to leave me and my children alone. But, is severing ties really forgiving, or is it just burying the hurt? More than anything I want to DEAL with all of the emotional damage done to me in the past and fully heal so that these issues don't resurface in future (well, really, present) relationships.

What I've read so far in these daily devotionals is that:
Forgiveness is not a feeling.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending you weren't hurt.
Forgiveness is not justifying the other person's actions.
Forgiveness does not mean trust.
Forgiveness is not relieving the other person of responsibility.
Forgiveness is a choice.

I don't want to carry the hurt around, it gives him power over me. He doesn't deserve to have any sort of power over me. I don't want to let this damage make me bitter and hateful. I don't want to close myself off and not risk loving again. I want to be free from all these piles of garbage he dumped into my life. If forgiveness is a choice, then I choose not to go back over this ground again. I choose to not revisit old wounds, I choose not to let things get to me. Even though I don't FEEL like forgiving him, It doesn't mean It didn't hurt, it doesn't mean he was right, it doesn't mean I have to trust him, it doesn't mean I have to have a relationship at all with him. It means I choose to walk away without taking the garbage with me.