Walking

Tonight I went for a long walk. I walked all around my neighborhood. I walked down to the store and bought a neck massager and a heating pad (I've had a headache moving around my head for the last few days, I'm hoping to drive it out). The air was warm, without much wind. I think it got up to 90 here today. I greeted people I know, smiled at those I don't and took deep cleansing breaths. I've heard you're supposed to take 10 deep breaths like that every day. I'm going to try to remember to do that. Right now, at 8:40 pm it's still 68 degrees outside. People are still out enjoying the day. I can hear neighbors laughing, the sounds of basketballs hitting the pavement, dogs barking, children playing, I hear LIFE. It's a good reminder to me.

I'm not sure why, but I feel like the world is crashing in. I'm more stressed out than I've been in a long time, even though most of my projects are going pretty well. I think it's just really starting to hit me, I'm in this all alone. There's not someone to come home to and just 'be' with. I miss that. I miss sitting across from someone on the couch, I miss togetherness. When I get upset or angry, or frustrated, there's not someone to calm me down, rub my back, brush my hair and soothe me. Self-soothing only goes so far. Plus, that sounds kind of weird and it's hard to rub your own back.

Walking works though. I feel so much better afterward. I'm trying to be grateful for what I have, and not dwell on what I don't. I need to clear my head, clear my heart, my mind and just let go. When I was part of an online community that focused on healthy living years ago, we did something that I think I'll start again. We listed 5 things we were grateful for. It's a good focusing exercise.

So, today I am grateful for:
1. Warm, sunny weather in which to walk.
2. Friends near and far who care about how I'm doing.
3. Neck massagers and heating pads.
4. Meatloaf.
5. scented candles.