Generous Redemption.

Psalm 130 (A mixture of The Message and NIV versions)
Help God - the bottom has fallen out of my life!
Master, hear my cry for help!
Listen hard! Open your ears and hear my cries for mercy.

If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness;
and that is why you are worshipped.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My life's on the line before God, my Lord,
waiting and watching till morning,
waiting and watching till morning.

O Israel, wait and watch for God -
With God's arrival comes love,
with God's arrival comes generous redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

In the women's Bible study I'm attending, we are studying the Psalms of Ascent (Psalm 120-134). I've been anxiously awaiting studying Psalm 130 because it has so much meaning for me. One night last summer, after a particularly hurtful encounter with my STBX, I was reeling from what he had said. I was petrified, terrified of what his decisions meant for my life. It was 2 or 3 in the morning and I couldn't sleep because I was so upset. So, I did something that set me on the path of true healing. I picked up my Bible and turned to the Psalms. This Psalm lept off the page at me and as I poured over it I started to feel some sense of reassurance and peace. I have a NIV/The Message parallel Bible, so bouncing back and forth between translations brought out more depth of meaning for me. As Beth Moore puts it,

"Many of them [the Psalms of Ascent] have been like fountains of living Water to this road weary traveler who detoured too many times into the ditch on her way to Mount Zion. That He still bid me "Come!" is a grace gift beyond comprehension"

As I sat weeping over a life that was seemingly shattered and in ruins, God reached down and started piecing my heart back together, even before I asked.

That night I also started reading through the book "The Twelve Steps for Christians". I got to a checklist that identified "Characteristics of Adult Children". My first reaction was, didn't they miss something there like "Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics" or "Characteristics of Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families" or some other qualifier. Then I realized, they probably had it right after all "adult children". People who are chronologically 'adults' but for some reason or another were still emotional children. As I kept reading, I identified so strongly with the majority of the characteristics, I was dumbfounded. I don't come from a family of abuse. The major source of pain in my childhood came from the lack of a strong relationship with my father which is the root of the dysfunction I've experienced in my adult relationships. Partly because I wrongly expected other people to 'fix' the sad little girl I was still holding on tightly to inside. I expected them to take the place of that heavenly father relationship and make me feel worthy. As I read back through those characteristics now, they don't pull at me like they did before. I no longer feel trapped or defined by those attributes. I've been set free, rescued. Through some excellent counseling, and a miraculous exercise called re-integration, that little girl has been rescued as well. She's finally been allowed to grow up. This time, with a heavenly Father that is perfect, and whose love and approval are unconditional. Praise Him!