Moms

A mother is not a person to lean on but person to make leaning unnecessary. ~ Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Let's face it, we all have mothers. Some of them are fantastic and amazing women, some of them are aloof and distant, some smother you, some gently nudge you, some just ignore you. Obviously I've been thinking alot about motherhood in general lately. Partly from having just spent 9 days with my mom and children on the road. Partly because I'm working on some of my own personal issues with my mom, and partly because I'm hoping that my own role as a non-custodial-mom for the past 8 years, will soon come to an end and I will have joint physical custody of my children. I guess my view of motherhood has been developing and morphing for a while now. My children are getting older and don't 'need' me as much on a physical level (to do things for them, they are more than capable of bathing, feeding and dressing themselves). But, on an emotional level they need me now, and in a different way than before. They already know I love them deeply and unconditionally, now they need to know that I trust them to make choices and live with the consequences of those choices. I don't think I got that as a child to a certain extent. Mom always seemed to 'rescue' me. Heck, I think she's still trying to rescue me now.

I don't want to do that to my kids. I want them to grow up, move away, have lives of their own, so that when we visit, I can see and learn and explore something new with them and see what amazing contributions THEY have given the world. That is my challenge. I don't want to take credit for their growth, I don't want to be the catalyst for their achievements. I want them to want to do it themselves.

I think I have had a unique experience in motherhood in that I have had the 'empty nest' syndrome practice for 8 years. I hope no one ever has to experience watching your children ages 2, 4 and 5 drive away screaming and crying for you. I hope no one else ever has to pull their children out from hiding under their bed and have to hand them over to a person whom you don't trust with their care. I hope no one else ever has to experience asking permission to speak to their child or have a 'time limit' on when and how long they can talk. Of helping your children count down the days until they can see you again. I've expereinced all this and more, and honestly, I think I have a better idea of how to let go than most mothers. I've had a lot of practice trusting them to God. I hate the saying that God couldn't be everywhere so he made mothers. Mothers need to step out of the way, and let God be the role model for children, we are afterall, only human and dim reflections of God's loving and nurturing nature.

This past year, I've come to terms with the fact that my earthly father was not the kind of father I wanted or needed. Now, I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that my earthly mother wasn't so perfect either, and that truly, God is the ultimate parent. In Him, I am perfectly loved, perfectly respected, perfectly capable and perfectly whole. Apart from Him, I'm a royally screwed up mess.