Heritage.

I was talking to my best friend last night about grandparents and some memories I had of my childhood. This week in Bible Study we also talked about our Spiritual Heritage. I've been thinking about it all week. I'm so fortunate to have had the godly example of my dad's parents. Grandpa was a pastor who had lived a rough a tumble life before finally letting God have his way with him. Once God took hold of that man's life, he was forever and irrevocably changed. Through that one man, generation upon generation of my family has had the example of faith lived out loud and unashamedly. I'll forever be grateful for that.

Psalm 100
A psalm. For giving thanks.
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his [a] ;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Fenced In

I’ve been having trouble with my dog getting out of the fenced back yard at my house. He keeps digging under the fence and squeezing through these really tight spaces that I couldn’t have imagined that he would get through. Yet, time and again, he finds another little space to worm his way through and break free of the huge back yard that I have for him to romp and play in. I think God feels my frustration. He’s put these boundaries in place for me to protect me from the road hazards of life. He placed me in this great open spacious place to enjoy, yet, somehow I always think there’s something better beyond the fence. So, I squeeze through the perceived loopholes, the little gray areas and go trotting on down the path that leads to destruction.

Boundaries are actually a good thing. How many times have you heard someone say a child will push the boundaries hoping that a parent will care enough to push back and show them that love and concern for them. As a parent lovingly disciplines a child to keep them on the right path, so God places boundaries around for us for our own protection. He knows His path is better. His way is smooth, yet we would rather jump the fence and go ‘hiking’ over boulders, rocky places, dangerous traps. We may even go spelunking into the deep caverns and hidden places we were never meant for. Then when we fall into the pit we desperately cry out for help, and God is there, lifting us out, brushing off the dirt and grime, wiping away our tears and setting us once again within the confines of his boundaries and upon his smooth path.

I am learning that God’s path is actually the easier path. I didn’t say it was easy, just easier. He will still allow obstacles into my life, but with His guidance, I can navigate even the most treacherous path, and emerge victorious with a whole heart free from some of the scars that can make me callous and insensitive to His gentle guidance.

Psalm 128:1 All you who fear God, how blessed you are! How happily you walk on his smooth straight road! (The Message)

Proverbs 16:25 There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. (KJV)

Psalm 40: 1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.(NIV)

In like a lamb?

Well, March is supposed to come in like a lion and go out like a lamb, but today was an exceptional day for March 1. It got up to at least 74 today, which may be a record. I can almost taste it though, spring is in the air, I heard woodpeckers today, and saw the first shoots of green coming up out of the earth. The snow is finally gone and the earth is slowly starting to wake up again. Unfortunately, the waking up process is going to hit the snooze button tomorrow. We're supposed to get a snow storm (which is much more typical for this region at this time of year). So, today I walked, I took photos, I was outside as much as I could be. It's that teasing taste of what's to come that makes the waiting that much harder.

Speaking of teasing glimpses. I talked to one of my dear friends yesterday, who lost her mother recently. She was telling me that during the last month of her mother's life, her mother kept getting glimpses of heaven. She had one foot on the earth and one foot in heaven. Imagine the teasing taste she was getting! I long for the day that I can run into my Savior's arms and rest and be held. I long for heaven. Until that time, I guess I'll just enjoy the little glimpses I can get.

2 Corinthians 5:1-10
1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

6Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7We live by faith, not by sight. 8We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

Ice is the enemy

Tomorrow I will have been living in this house for two months. It hardly seems possible, but I look back over all that has happened and it seems like a lot longer. For several days before I moved in massive amounts of snow fell on this region. I’ve been shoveling out with the help of some sunny days ever since. My front driveway and sidewalks have been snow free for weeks, but my back yard is a totally different story. There are still piles of snow and slabs of ice back there two inches thick. As I was breaking up the slabs of ice and scraping the last of the snow off my north facing patio this afternoon, I thought to myself “wow, just in time, we’re supposed to have snow this Saturday and this would all be underneath and it would just build up again. It sure is easier to clear off when you start from a clean surface”. God nudged me just a little for me to see this in a spiritual perspective. Bitterness is like ice. It may take root in a big storm in our lives and while most of the pain and frustration of the situation might melt away pretty quickly, if we don’t clear it all out initially, it builds up and creates ice. Each time another storm comes along it just reinforces and builds on that foundation creating thick slabs that are really hard to break through, and take even longer to just melt on their own. When we have a clear surface to work from without all the ice underneath, every time a storm comes into our lives, we can easily push it aside and let it melt away. There’s also another aspect of this that occurred to me. The front yard was a lot easier to clear off because it faces south and gets a lot of sun. The back yard faces north, so it doesn’t get that much exposure to the sun. Just like the south facing yard, if our spirits don’t get enough exposure to God’s Son, it’s not as easy to clear off that stubborn patch of icy bitterness.

Hebrews 12:14-15
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Smells Like......

Ok, I'm crazy, I know that. I love walking through the dish detergent, laundry detergent or air freshener isle in a grocery store. I LOVE the smells. I never really realized before how important that sense is to me. It's not one I consciously rely on a lot, but smelling something really triggers emotions and memories for me. I can remember the smell of a boyfriend I had in high school and on and off in college. He wore Black Suede cologne. I actually bought some and dabbed it on a teddy bear he'd given me, because we were far away, and I wanted his memory and his presence that close. I think I've passed this on to my youngest daughter. She plays the violin, and I bought her some rosin for her bow. When she opened it up for the first time, she SMELLED it! More amazing, is that she exclaimed after smelling it "Mom, it smells like music!" :) What a funny kid!

Throughout the Old Testament, each time the Israelites are commanded to sacrifice something on the altar to God, it creates a "pleasing aroma, a sacrifice to God."

Numbers 28:2 “Give these instructions to the people of Israel: The offerings you present as special gifts are a pleasing aroma to me; they are my food. See to it that they are brought at the appointed times and offered according to my instructions."

Wow, God, who is non-corporeal, as far as I know, feeds on the aroma of our offerings. In the New Testament it says:

Ephesians 5:2:
"Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."

So, we are to live a life of love as our sacrifice to God, and THAT will be a special gift to him, his food, a sacrifice.

Living a life filled with love sounds really good. But, it's hard sometimes when you're called to love people who have hurt you terribly (and don't seem to mind continuing to hurt you). I guess I'm still working on it.

So, now when I enjoy the smell of something, I'll remember how much God loves the smell of love in my life. :)

Sorting through the papers

I was looking for some photos today in a box that had old papers. I came across a folder from my college poetry class. So, I sat down and took about an hour looking through it. The first thing I noticed was the pages upon pages of handwritten notes. I started reading through them and realized that it was the journal that our instructor made us keep. I think we had to turn in 25 handwritten pages a week. That’s a lot to do! Reading through those pages was pretty amazing. In them, I found a poem I never really finished writing about my grandmother, who died this past October. Maybe now that her story is done, I can go ahead and finish the poem. Maybe when I’m done with it, I’ll post it here.

Looking back through all those pages I see such raw emotion poured out. I was so angry, and hurt and searching everywhere for acceptance. I’m saddened to realize just how long I looked for that unconditional love when I’ve had it all along. This folder has been there for 15 years. There were poems about my dad, about boyfriends, about children I’d known, about my hair, about my hands, about my fears. It’s truly amazing what we carry around in boxes for years and years. Finally, that insecurity and the constant searching has come to a stop. Maybe it just took me longer to grow up than most people, even though I had a head start. They say children of divorce grow up faster (or maybe just too fast). I felt old when I was 12, but yet, still a scared lonely child until I was almost 35. I will be forever grateful to the counselor who could finally walk me through the healing process of bringing that little girl out of the dark corner and re-integrating her into myself. It was miraculous, and resulted in the wholeness I’ve been searching for my whole life. Maybe I should write a poem about that. I probably will.

Unmoved

Lately I’ve really been enjoying Natalie Grant’s newest CD, Relentless. My recent posts have featured some of the songs from that album (and if you don’t have it, run out right now and buy it, I’m serious!) The last track I'm going to talk about right now is actually the first track on this CD. It could be my theme song. I won't go into all the details of my previous life, because well, why dwell on the past? I am free from those shackles, and while they taught me things I might not have otherwise learned, I am not bound by the mistakes of my past. I won't 'count the score of all my shattered dreams'. I'm standing on solid ground, and I will not be moved. NEVER ever again. Jesus holds me gently in his hands, and will not let me go. THANK GOD.

I have been a wayward child,
I have acted out,
I have questioned sovereignty,
and had my share of doubts,
And though sometimes,
my prayers feel like they’re bouncing off the sky,
the hand I hold won’t let me go,
and is the reason why

I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart,
many times before,
My life has been a broken glass,
and I have kept the score,
of all my shattered dreams,
and though it seemed,
that I was far too gone,
my brokenness helped me to see,
it’s grace I’m standing on.

I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved

The chaos in my life,
has been a badge I’ve worn,
and though I have been torn,
I will not be moved

I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But i will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand,
I WILL NOT BE MOVED